Snakebit Tim

Being a lawyer is bad enough. Being a snakebit lawyer on the mends is tragic, or funny, or more, or less an interesting story of what its like to be the victim of a rattle snake bite

Monday, September 11, 2006

Hospital Time




It could have been worse. In Florida, a snakebitten golfer was kissed on the noggin by a big ole rattler and woke up three days later in the ICU. My hospital stay was somewhat more conscious. At the emergency clinic, I luckily arrived when the shift changed. Except for Ron who had a doubly pained expression not only because I was hurt but because his current and near future golf plans had gone up in smoke, I was the only male in a room of about 13 various doctors, nurses, orderlies, candy stripers, etc. all of whom wanted to see where "he" bit me. I calmly but firmly explained it was a "she," then made up a few reasons about how I knew. (Why do I have the burden of proof here?) "Because she was mean.." by the way didn't work. I was finally saved by a gay male orderly who snuck in, looked at the wound marks, and said, "Yep, that has to be a female bite. No male would do that" then gave me a quick wink and scampered away.

At this point, I was informed that we needed to go to the main hospital in downtown Albuquerque so my condition could be monitored more closely. In other words, the Intensive Care Unit was my next stop.

Now here's where I talk about horses and sheep. Antivenin is the modern way to treat snake bites. Its produced from the blood of horsies or sheepies who have accidentally on purpose been bitten by some highly paid consultant rattlesnakes. So the heck with dogs, these are man's best friends when it comes to snake bites. The problem is that an allergic reaction from the antivenin can be worse than the bite so they have to closely monitor, i.e., take lots of blood samples and hook you up to their newest monitoring gizmos, and ask you every two minutes whether you're having trouble breathing. Meanwhile, my foot and leg is starting to swell pretty good. Stay tuned for not so gruesome pictures.

The first night was bad. Lots of pain pills, hydrocodone, but I couldn't get used to sleeping on my back with my foot up. No appetite but plenty of sympathy from the staff at Pres- they were awesome- and my loving wife and daughter, also unflaggingly supportive of the old man.

The second night was way mo betta cause I could lay on my side. Heck, I even ate some hospital food and we all know how a little of that makes you want to go home asap. At this point, I started lobbying hard to get released. Finding a doctor with a low tolerance for whining, I was allowed to leave Saturday afternoon - I was bitten Thursday afternoon. But when I put my foot down to try out the crutches they had brought me: NO WAY JOSE. As soon as my up foot went down, my scene of the crime ankle started hurting enough to make a freight train take a dirt road, to make a blind man see, to scare a bulldog off a meat wagon, etc. One more night in the hospital but at least I had snookered them into disconnecting me from the IVs, the monitors,and so forth. Next stop, la casa.

21 Comments:

At 10:29 PM, Anonymous the asian in tucson! :) said...

i enjoy how exciting it is to read your blog! it's like i'm right there with you!! lol alana told me the brief version of the story, but not only is this waaaay better, but your blog in general is much cooler haha, shhh, don't tell her! hope all is better now! -kristi

 
At 7:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"If I go out now and hit a ball off of the fairway in any fashion or form, I will not go after it," so said the golfer that was bit on the head. Think there might be a lesson learned that can be shared? Please?

lum

 
At 4:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 5:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Snakebait:

There're all of these obvious questions like:

1. Why weren't you at work on a Thursday?
2. Why didn't Ron suck the venom out?
3. What was the snake's name?
4. She wasn't hurt was she?
5. Did you find your lost ball?

I'm really glad you're gonna be o.k.

-Toby

 
At 5:33 AM, Blogger Dina said...

Interesting blog Tim. I need to ask you on snake bite. How long would be the complete recovery? I was bitten by a snake a month ago and till today whenever I walk the swelling on my foot would come back. Thanks a lot

Regards
Bee

 
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