Snakebit Tim

Being a lawyer is bad enough. Being a snakebit lawyer on the mends is tragic, or funny, or more, or less an interesting story of what its like to be the victim of a rattle snake bite

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Snake Stuff

September 13, 2006

Medical Update :
I'm back. On the eighth day of my new snakebit llife, I threw down my crutches. On the eleventh day, 9/11, I limped into work on sandals and lasted till lunch. Next day, sneakers till 4, and today, my Bostonians till way past closing time.
The pain is starting to itch. You know, the good itch? So, I'm not looking back. No more blogging for me. Where's my sticks?

But first, I wanted to suggest a cool holiday gift idea, but not for me.
RRrrrrattlesnake EGGsssssss !!!! I'll take mine poached, how about you? Actually, you can choose between the "sounds like a snake" variety or the "keep in cool place to prevent hatching" approach. Probably the only thing worse than gag snake products? Snake jokes.

I must admit that after three nights in the ICU, some steady discomfort, pain killer smog, a substantial hospital bill, pity from strangers, helplessly watching my family wait on me -ok, it wasn't all bad- and last, but not least, realizing I must endure the eternal ignomy being known as the shake-bit lawyer, the snakebit golfer, oh...you're the snakebit guy, etc. I must admit that right now, I have some trouble seeing the lol humorous side of snake bite jokes like ...

Why didn't you tell him (sic) you were a lawyer, he(sic) wouldn't have bitten you ouf of professional courtesy?

or the cornball approach like :

What's the worst thing about the snake that bit you? His (sic) poisonality. (groan)


In our society, snake jokes are either real corny or male bonding opportunities. The one joke I heard most and in several variations, but always from males, will not be repeated here except to say its about two lifelong friends, Lone Ranger and Tonto, Abbott and Costello, father and son, whatever. One, the male, gets bit by a rattler you know where. The other rushes off to get medical advice. The doctor, nurse, witch doctor, ranch foreman, whatever, advises that the only hope is to use the traditional method: cut the nearby skin followed by immediate, forceful suction to extract the venom. The true friend returns and tells the snakebit friend, "Sorry pal, you're going to die."

Now for whatever reason, this joke seems to be the favorite or most common snake joke, at least in my immediate circles this year. Of course, real men prefer trouser snake jokes.

(Please don't send me any snake jokes. Ah heck, go ahead or post the answer to the following perplexing question, "What is the difference between a snake and a lawyer?)

Enuf said about snake jokes. What bothers me is that on the internet, an alarming number of folks like to post and even more like to look at gruesome snakebite victim photos. Yuk. (The same people like to watch operations on the medical channel.) Now, my working hypothesis is that most are not men. We like jokes better. If you're part of that cult, stay tuned for a few.

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